The worksheet is designed in a way that teaches you about Self-Compassion, assuming you know very little or even nothing about it. It hits the highlights that I think are important and addresses some key differences from common understanding. Reading the information before the worksheet may help you create a healthy relationship with compassion and guilt.

It may help you understand that shame is more unhelpful than helpful. While guilt motivates, shame makes us freeze. Shame can destroy a sense of self-worth that otherwise could be healthy and fulfilling. When we begin to understand that we can feel disappointed about an action we took or a thought we had, we don't have to berate ourselves - or tear down our self-worth - just to make us change.

After introducing the Neff & Germer theory of Self-Compassion and walking you through the differences between guilt and shame, the worksheet has a prefilled example. This will show you what a healthy response to the questions could look like. This can start to mold your thinking to be less critical or help you notice where you may have a tendency to be self-critical.

The goal of all of this is to build your ability to show yourself compassion - and as a result, you may get better at showing others compassion as well. No matter what form of OCD you may face, Self-Compassion is used along with ACT to treat it.

Read the beginning infographic to get familiar with it. Take your time. There are a few big ideas presented that you may be learning for the first time. It may be a lot to take in at once, so if you have questions, please email me or schedule a session!

After reading and thinking about the infographic, look at the example page that has prefilled responses to the worksheet. These will show you what a healthy response could look like. These are just example though. When you answer the questions for yourself, make it your own. Think of what would help you and how you could practice Self-Compassion in your life. 

You may want to print out more than 1 empty worksheet page. Try doing it multiple times for different situations - real or imagined. This may help your neuroplasticity and could even present opportunities to use ERP (Exposure Response Prevention) techniques.

This prompt is designed with a spouse or romantic interest in mind, but the same principle can be used for other relationships; such as children, parents, siblings, or other people you care about.

Often, we can get distracted by daily routine. We get set on autopilot and go about our activities without noticing everything around us. Sometimes, that can even mean neglecting the emotional aspect of our relationships. The purpose of the prompt is to encourage thoughtful and mindful affirmations to our loved ones. When you take the time to acknowledge something about the people you love, not only could they appreciate it, but your own love for them can grow.

Take the time to try and think about one or two things that you like about your loved one. By doing this, you can foster the growth of affection for them in your own heart. This kind of focusing on positive qualities can help you overlook the irritating and frustrating things about them. This can help redirect your attention to positive aspects of their personality, accomplishments, and values.

Keep doing this, and soon you could find that your love for them has created a desire to care more about their needs and less about the smaller issues that can get out of hand on a bad day.

Additionally, this can also help the other person if they struggle with self esteem issues or self depreciating thoughts. It can help them affirm that they have value and are loved by others.

It is a simple worksheet that has multiple lines on it. A place for writing down some things about your loved one that you admire, value, appreciate, or want them to know about themselves. Take some time each day to write something new down that you haven't written on a previous line. By stretching our mind to look for new things that we appreciate and love about this person, we can start to notice new features of them that we may have overlooked, or forgotten.

You can also place it in a visible spot (eg. fridge or bathroom mirror) so that both you and the other person can see it each day. Not only will this remind you to keep going with the daily goal, but it can encourage the other person too. Maybe they will end up returning the favor, or feeling better about themselves because they see the effort you are putting forth to pay attention to them.

I did not include dates on the prompt because I do not want it to become a homework assignment. The daily affirmations should come from the heart. I also did not want it to be limited to "once or twice a day" in case there were times when something special happened that you wanted to write down. The lack of structure in the prompt could encourage a sense of spontaneity (doing things suddenly, with little to no planning) when thinking of affirmations.

What we might think of as being true or factual thoughts about ourselves could actually be an unhealthy amount of shame. Shame can paralyze you from reaching your potential. Thoughts like: I can't, I wont, I never; thoughts like I'm bad, I'm a failure, I'm not good enough, I will never change...

All of these thoughts can prevent us from taking steps to change. By listening to shame based thinking, we anchor ourselves to the person we don't want to be. This infographic will hopefully shine the light of awareness on shame based thinking. It can help you start to question those thoughts that you believe are fact. Are they? Or is it shame trying to beat you up and keep you stagnant? Are you listening to real life, or is the memory worse than it actually was?

This can help you see shame for what it really is; unhelpful and paralyzing. If you can identify your unhelpful thoughts and why you have them, you can work towards overturning them. When you overturn these automatic and shame based thoughts, you open yourself up to growth and potential. The potential to become the person you want to be.

Quite simply, you read it. It is organized in a way that each thought leads into the next in a visual format. Look into the info, think about how you could apply it to your own life, and try practicing the suggestions in a quiet space. On page 2, you may even try writing down answers to the questions in a notebook or journal. You may also want to look up Mindful Compassion, Grounding Techniques, and How to Build Self Esteem.

A benefit of the "Compassion vs Judgement" worksheet is that it helps you change your automatic thought process. Our automatic thoughts can tend to be negative unless we have trained ourselves to think with compassion. When we interact with life from a place of compassion, we can find peace of mind and genuine connection. In addition, it can defuse tension and disagreements.

Assuming that someone cut us off in traffic because "they are an inconsiderate and selfish fool" is making an assumption from a place of judgement. We have already decided that they are intrinsically 'bad' and thus deserve punishment - or something similar.

In contrast, assuming that someone cut us off because they didn't see us because they drive a big truck with blind spots (or rushing to the hospital - or distracted by a baby in the back seat - etc, etc) can come from a place of compassion. When we make assumptions based on compassion, we open ourselves up to empathy and forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't involve agreeing with the actions of a person, however. Forgiveness can merely be 'letting go' of a hurt. When we let go of an offense or hurt, we can find peace in our mind and in our life.

These are just a few benefits for using this with strangers. It works very well with people we know and have relationships with as well. I use this mindset frequently when having disagreements with family and friends. I remind myself to have compassion instead of judgement. In this way, I set the pattern for seeking peace and resolution - not pay-back and justification. With constant practice, this can become the default thinking pattern for us all.

Follow each step in the worksheet. I designed it so that there is an 'assistant' walking you through each step.

Page 1: This contains explanations and examples of the difference between compassion and judgement in the context of assumptions. It shows you how you will be filling out page 2.

Page 2: This is a 'DIY' page of examples. Your 'assistant' gives you two examples and you have to fill them in with what you feel would be one assumption of compassion and one assumption of judgement for each example. This helps you to practice stretching your thinking pattern with a neutral zone - something that isn't personal... yet.

Page 3: This is the real homework page. This page has two sections for you to make your own scenario with an event that actually happened to you. Your 'assistant' requests that you think of the assumption you actually made; what kind of assumption was it? Was it compassionate or judgmental? Then, what would the other assumption be for contrast?

Page 4: The final page where the conclusion and one final note are made. The fine print is very important. Be sure to read the very last paragraph of page 4. It discusses why this does NOT apply to abuse of any kind and how a persons past may be a reason that they hurt others - but it is not an excuse for their actions.

If you have comments on this worksheet or any others, please go to the "Disclaimers and Stuff" page on the website and submit a "User Feedback" form.

One benefit of the worksheet is it helps to create a plan before a stressful event happens. Often when we are put into an anxiety inducing event, it can be easy to take out our stress on someone who is trying to help. Those closest to us end up on the receiving end of our reactions, irritability, or impatience.

By coming up with a plan ahead of time, it can lower the chance of reacting in a way that we end up regretting. As the person who is trying to help, we can see what actions we can take that we know will help. We also learn what to avoid that could make the situation worse.

The goal is to minimize the stress on both the person experiencing the primary anxiety and help the supporting person be of greatest assistance.

First, decide who is going to be your supporting partner during the stresses. If you are married, perhaps the 2 spouses can create plans with each other. Maybe it is siblings or best friends.

One worksheet is for one person. Person 'A' would fill out their plan and give it to person 'B' so that they know what to do in stressful events. Person 'B' would then do the same and give their plan to person 'A' so that they have a plan to help.

I'll now walk you through each question.

Questions 1 - 3: Decide on a stressful feeling you experience. Examples: Scared, angry, overwhelmed, depressed, hopeless, ashamed, concerned about money, exhausted... 

The next step is to decide what things you DO like that help you cope with the feelings. Examples: Talk to me, let me be quiet, I need alone time, I need to play video games, I like to make a list, use my DBT tools, remind me that it's going to be okay, or specific words to say that comfort you...

Next step is to list things that don't help the feelings or make them worse. Essentially, things to avoid. Examples may be similar to the above. Maybe someone doesn't like being touched but wants to be near people. Each person will be different.

Question 4: There are two parts to this question. The focus is on physical sensations that help and don't help. It may be touch based, scent based, sight or drinks, taste, or sound. Basically, any sense that is stimulated that both helps and doesn't help.

Lastly, the "Our Action Plan for When I Feel Stressed" is where you write down the steps you believe would be the most benefit. This is where you take the data you made in your lists from questions 1 - 4 and put them into a plan of action. 

For example: "Tell me 'it's going to be okay, let's use our anxiety plan.' Then get my calm box and ask me which one I want to use. Ask me if I need space to think and put on my favorite song."

Hopefully these steps help explain how to use this worksheet on your own with your support partner. If you have more questions, feel free to email me.

The 3 R's can help us find an end to something we lost by focusing on memories. Instead of looking to those memories with longing; we look at them with a view to healing. We must recognize that the memories exist and we cannot change them or bring back the thing or person lost - but we can use those memories to give ourselves closure.

When we have a sense of closure, that helps us to move forward and step back into mindful living - not passive surviving. We can then choose what to do with those memories and what to do next in our life. This can return our sense of control and purpose. The healing process is going to be different for everyone, so without guidance this may not work for you. However, the method can help us begin healing - and at the very least give you ideas on how to heal.

To begin, what did you lose?

Was it a person, place, or thing? Was it a job? A way of life? During the pandemic of 2019 onward, many felt grief. For some it was confusing at first because no one in their life had died. However, grief is not solely for death. It can refer to any loss that a person experiences. The world lost a way of life and thus it resulted in many experiencing grief for the first time in their life and not being able to understand why.

Next, you are going to write down at least 6 things in the worksheet. In each category (Regrets, Retelling, and Remembering) you should write down two things:

One specific thing and one vague thing.

For example, you want to write one specific thing like: "I remember when you and I went to the lake to water-ski and I fell over, then I got a ton of water up my nose and you helped me laugh even though it hurt a lot." Then write something vague like: "I remember how you were always patient with people.

Regrets could be anything you regret about the thing lost. Do you regret not saying something to the person you lost? What was it? Write it down. Do you regret that you didn't spend more time doing something? Write it down. Do you regret wasting so much time with or on something? Write it down. Regrets can be both something you regret doing or not doing. They can also be a "Resentment" if the relationship with the person or thing was not healthy.

Retelling may be the hardest one. Retell the goodbye that you would have liked to have experienced. If it was a person, how would you have acted or spoke in their last moments with them? If it was an object, what would you have done differently before losing it? If it was a lifestyle or other intangible object, what would you like to have done in response to the cause of losing it or how would you have prevented it?

Retell the story in way that allows you to close this chapter in your life. To finish off, you want to physically let go of the worksheet. That could be by burying it in a box in the ground, burning it, crumpling it up and throwing it away, soaking it water and making a puree out of it; it could be anything that you feel you need to do to let go of the weight of the grief.

You may need to do this multiple times; that is okay. However, I would encourage you to resist the temptation to keep the worksheet. That would not be considered letting the grief go. That would be holding onto it.

The benefit of this framework comes from questions that help you to look honestly at why you may be disappointed with where you are in life or a behavior or feeling you want to change. Often, we as people get stuck on the why question and don't know how to answer it. Sometimes to get to a place where we can answer the 'why' question, we first need to understand the 'what' question.

This framework can help guide you through some questions that will help you to figure out what exactly it is that you want to change, where you want to go, and what tools or challenges you may see yourself having.

First, look at where you are now. Think about what it is that you want to change or that is making you unhappy - unfulfilled. Use the questions on the "Current State" side of the diamond. What is it that is holding you back? Is it costing you anything?

The trick is to be honest and think outside the box. What is this thing that you want to change? Is it a thought pattern or a behavior? 

Is this thing 'costing' you anything? It doesn't have to be money or time either. Sometimes we 'pay' in the form of relationships, connection with other people, our dignity, pride, self-esteem... There is a physical cost AND a non-physical cost. What are you paying?

The next step is to think about where you want to be. Ideal State: the state of your life that would help you feel happy, content, and fulfilled or satisfied. What does that look like to you? If you went into the future after putting all of the work in to get to your Ideal future; what would it look like?

Then ask yourself the questions on the 'Ideal State' side of the diamond. These will help you to get going and moving into the right direction. I illustrate it this way: It is fine to know that you want to go somewhere - and it is important to put your shoes on to get there... but if you don't know HOW to get there, what good are the shoes?

This means knowing what goal or vision you have is good, putting the shoes on (getting some tools to work towards that goal) is important, but know what steps you want to take and how to get to that goal is what really makes the difference. Hence: get specific when you answer the 'Ideal State' questions.

Instead of: "I want to be rich" try "I want to be a millionaire." Great, a million dollars is a specific goal. Now; how do you get there?

Instead of: "I don't want to feel depressed anymore" try "I want to feel more confident when I talk to my family and friends."

These are just a few examples. Your situation is going to be different from someone else, so when you come up with a goal or vision; make it special and important for you.

Slowing down the emotional process can help us to work through things in a healthier way. This is because instead of reacting on impulse, we force ourselves to stop, think, examine, and adapt. Doing these things makes us react slower - almost putting the breaks on our emotions. We're still moving, just slower.

Taking these steps to slow down helps us to control our feelings in reaction to an emotion or distressing event. Controlling our reactions means not engaging in self harm when something troubles us; or perhaps avoiding alcohol when we know we have trouble regulating how much we drink; or quitting pornography or drug abuse because it's harming our lives or others.

This helps us to make decisions that are healthy and helpful to ourselves. When we make healthier decisions we can be proud of ourselves and that leads to a better self-esteem (aka "Self Like"). We may also physically improve our lives.

Try practicing with an event that happened in the past.

When did the event happen?

Write down any detail that you can think of. Such as time of day, time of year, if there was an event going on, or what you were doing right before the distress.

What happened?

Write down what exactly tipped you over the edge.

Why do I think it happened?

This isn't so much about truth as it is your perception. Why do you THINK it happened. We can get the facts later. This matters because it will help you identify what you believe about the situation.

How did it make me feel physically and emotionally?

Describe sensations in your body and the feelings in your mind. Were you tense? Shaky? Clammy palms? Sweaty brow? Grit teeth? Sick to your stomach? Were you feeling lost or hopeless or offended or ignored or furious?

How did I want to react?

What was your gut reaction and what did you want to do, regardless of consequences? Did you want to punch your boss? Throw something? Key their car? Break down into tears? Cut yourself? Eat the whole tub of ice-cream? Yell and scream obscenities'? Don't shame yourself for what you wanted to do; that wont be helpful. Simply acknowledge it and move on.

What did I actually do or say?

What happened? How did you react?

How did my emotions and actions affect me later?

What were the consequences - both internal and external?

Practice this with things that have happened in the past, then practice it in the moment or right after a distressing event. If you have a hard time practicing this in the moment - it just takes time. Don't feel bad; sometimes we all go into that "red zone" where we can see out of the fog. There are other techniques to help bring us out of that "red zone" and a professional can help you discover what works for you.

We all have a tendency to focus on what is bad or wrong or "what we don't want" in our life. When we focus on things that we don't want, it is easy to lose focus of what we do want - what we want more of. You could say we lose the forest for the trees. 

If we can change our focus to be on the more positive side of things, the energy that we expend will be more productive and effective. Imagine this:

Could an artist create a piece of art by focusing only on what they don't want the art to be? What would it look like? Would they enjoy making it, if all the artist thought about was how much they hate the way the last piece of art they made looked? Likely not. However, if the artist thinks about what they do want the piece to look like they will probably get the results they want.

So too must we change our focus to be on what we do want. We can't get more of what we want by focusing only on what we don't want. This technique helps us to work towards that shift in thinking.

Use these questions on the worksheet to help yourself practice the process of changing how you look at what is bothering you. Answer the questions as simple as possible. Try to stretch how you approach the issue and observe how you feel about it as you change your perspective.

Below are the questions on the worksheet so that you can copy and paste them into a notepad on your phone or smart device if you don't have a printer:

1) What is the problem that you are dealing with?
2) What priorities or needs aren't being satisfied?
3) Stated as a positive - What do you want more of?
4) If you had to use one word to say what you do want, what would it be?

A "Special Person" is someone whom you trust that you believe would help you to make wise choices. This person could be alive today, or even someone you admire from the past; be it grandma or grandpa, a deceased parent or friend, or a historical figure you admire. 

When you are faced with an impulse that you are not sure how to overcome, ask yourself what this person would advise you to do. How would they help you to overcome the unhelpful behavior? What would they do?

You can also use it when addressing relationship disturbances or misunderstandings. How would your "Special Person" help you and the other party come to terms with each other? Fix misunderstandings, communicate effectively, or proactive steps to take?

This worksheet is a guide to help you in your process as you either talk to your "Special Person" or imagine what they would say if you can't talk to them in the moment.